Lame ways to close an email

Over the past few years I’ve been surprised by the ways people chose to close an email. I’m not sure if everyone is aware how a few simple words can completely destroy whatever content proceeded it.

Some stress out about the *right* way to close an email, especially in business settings. Do I say “Best” or is that corny? What about “Cheers” if I’m not from England? How about I just state my name? That may be too informal and abrupt…

It seems though, the wrong people may be worrying about this.

Fair warning: those that *aren’t* thinking about this and choose to use any of the following may be ignored for a few days:

Please advise.

What? You likely just sent a long, ranty email with paragraphs explaining some troubles you just had. Likely no where in there was “this is how I tried to solve this on my own.” And so you’ve now made it my responsibly to sift through half of the equation (the problem) and advise you? Is it because you said please you’re so entitled? Okay, you may be a customer who pays me big bucks to do this, but this seems far too abrupt and impolite.

How about: “I tried X and my result was Y based on my understanding: Z. Is the right approach?”


No? This is the kind of abrupt conclusion that typically follows a roundabout email that is far too long to digest and easily respond to. Instead of simple points that can be individually addressed (interleaved is the only way to respond to email) I now have a single prompt to give my thoughts to all of that? Which items do you want my thoughts on? Maybe I’ll write back with a long form email in the same fashion you gave and you can sort through my solicited “thoughts.” There’s certainly *no* way that will result in a lot of back and forth, misunderstandings, and missed points.

How about: “I’ve decided that X is the best product because of Y and Z, can you think of any reason not to go with it?”

I await your response.

Fan-frickin-tastic. I hope you’re sitting by your computer hitting refresh until you see my beloved response. This typically makes the conclusion of your email sound passive aggressive just like saying “I expect you to” makes you sound more entitled and demanding than I’m sure you intended. By an email addressed to me, I’m aware of the fact you are expecting a response; this is why we typically send emails, especially with question marks in them. But, now you’ve made me grumpy because I’m picturing you standing there tapping your foot with your arms crossed.

How about: “I look forward to hearing from you. Have a nice day.”

These are some of my favorites. If you’re really looking to communicate frustration or annoy someone on the receiving end, be sure to borrow these. Or just write passive aggressive blog posts to blow off that steam.

Thoughts? Are there others that should be listed here? Please advise. I await your responses…